babadada forgetting u would be suicide.. i m struggling to cling to every little thing i have left of u.. Rebecca u gave me.. the tiny scribbling on every scrap in my register in ur handwriting..all ur smses starting 2008.. a hair frm ur head tht i saved in my journal frm one of our trips.. the bottle of bodywash i used in haridwar last winter to shower u.. the purple pick.. the yello t.. ur touch on my whole body.. thr wer so many times i longed to wear somethn tht wud declare ur ownership of me… so stupid. but i loved being owned by u.. the simple feeling of belonging to someone who loved me more than anyone else. i do mean wot i say.. i wil always love u… i want u happy thats all i want. i ll pray for u like i always do.
i need time.. maybe to find myself back..and maybe to feel again. if i cut myself there ll only be blood n no pain. i m hollow and lost. but i knw its unfair to expect u to wait. i always wondered at my soul.. tht i felt it always led me to hurt and hinders me frm being like othr ppl.. cause other ppl without their souls are so happy.. but im glad i ws the misfit. i guess it was tht u fell in love with.. the first ride on the bus me steppin on ur toe after showin u my stupid stupid sketches.. that will always mean everything to me.. tht u loved me. i knw i ll never hav babies.. never the family i always secretly imagined myself to mother. but u will always be my inspiration.. my reason to be alive. u dnt knw the biggest reason y i love u… thats because despite me tryin to lose my soul.. u kept it safe.. it sounds dramatic to u prbbly.. but u guarded it with ur love. and u think i could ever forget u?. i hav treasured these years… knwing tht my faith wud always protect u frm harm.. maybe lame.. but i guess it doesnt mattr.. it will never change.
i hav nothin left to lose.. the little i had will always remain in all my letters to u.. in all my prayers and hopes. all i need
is time alone.. i dnknw how long.. and i dnt expect u to wait. fly away to wher ur happy. if ur happy thts all i want.
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