Dear Sire,
i am supposed to be working on a deadline. but like always, i’m dreaming away. . i couldnt help but think of last summer. The nights i’d be sittin up on the roof talkin to you over the phone… or waiting for your call.. or simply sittin on my corner dreaming away about us. of the days we’ve had, of the hopes i always had for the future.
now i find solid ground where i stand. . and i have come a long way, and also that We have come a long way. and i cant help but feel this rush of gratitude for the Good Ol’ Guy Up There.
its weird how we fuss about so many things, that we might as well not even notice otherwise, if we were in a different time, situation, or if we were other people. absolutely random and obnoxiously stupid thought it seems to be. but i sat wondering, and i realized every moment, i lose a breath. . and inch closer to the Time, the Inevitable. i felt gripped by this simple comfort one feels when one knows that the path they are on would eventually lead them Home. I love my life. with all its randomness, all its struggle, pain, beauty, the placidity with which it goes on, the cruelty behind that calm, the sweet charming seductive bitch that it is, with all its vigor and happiness it has to offer in spite of everything.
i love my life. . i havent known this feeling before you came. i had regrets before, but you made everything disappear with the peace that you gave me. and today i feel as free as i always wanted to be. they say a human can never be truly free. . that with every deep commitment there comes the ‘obligation’ to remember, the responsibilities to fulfill. . the strings to be bound to. but im not blind in love to feel the way i do. . . loving you comes so easy to me. . like you ve been a part of me my whole life. you ve see me in ways i havent seen myself in all of my 22 years. in your own ways, you ve silently been there throughout. you ve fussed and fretted over me when i messed up, and then talked me out of situations when i was ready to give up. you cared when i suffered. . you stood up for me, even when i lost hope, you held my hand and lead me to light. when we met, i was the romantic, and you were the realist. . the dreamer in me always floated, always lurked about in faraway lucid thoughts and inexistent places. the man in you knew well to be logical enough to have solid ground where you stood, so unlike my vague nature. you had the answers to all my questions. had a reason to justify My whims and you were always so gracious to overlook my imbecility. .
today, i find myself looking for reason, and a solid ground for us. . and i see you dream. i couldnt be happier. now i find myself more wary of the world and its seeming beauty, and you acknowledge the breeze, and look for the moon like i always would. when i hit rock bottom, you bring back all my lucid thoughts and all those inexistent places i always so fondly loved to hide in. . in my head. you feel my pain, when im hurt. you worry about me like your own child. and you trust me. . and i swear to Lord, that is the best honor i could have had from you. . even greater than the love i found in you. even though your love is the most important part of my whole life.
life, as i know it now. . is beautiful. . i can hear your voice when i need to. . i can see your face when i need to. . and when you hold me back in your warmth. . . i know nothing could make me feel safer than your arms wrapped around me. . and i couldnt ever even dream of asking for anything more, but you. your health and happiness. cause i know there remains my every heartbeat, my every breath.
i dont anymore worry about the future. things were different when we met. even though we are still the same two people, i know what brought us together despite the hopeless Romantic meeting Realist. the child in me, found home at last in the child in you. the water nourished the earth, making it complete, bringing her in terms with her purpose. and the earth held all the water, giving him time and space to explore and find its path.
you taught me to find my answers and my purpose in all my dreams. . you taught me to be careful, to watch out for the dark that lurks behind blinding light. . you taught me to use my wings. . and you widened my horizon making me see, the more i ll spread my wings – the higher, and the farther i could fly. you ve gently pushed me into being more me. . .
i pray for you everyday. and i pray for us. i wish Lord gave me enough strength to be your anchor like you are to me. . to be half as graceful and loving, as you are to me.
Always yours.
*
