its so juvenile, god i keep sitting and asking all these idiotic questions, and probably (perhaps actually) piss people off. . weasel, phantom. oh. and then i dont find the answers cause there are none. and obviously they pretend like they never heard anything. most of the times ! and then she tells me to shut up, and not make noises while im working, and not sing with my headset on. . and i feel so pathetic. Its already monday again. . and another 2 shitty weeks will go by in a blur. sometimes i feel i knew more before i came to this college. . and that with each spasm of embarassment and humiliation i face here, im losing more and more of what i had a year ago. i dont read anymore. havent held poetry in my hands in ages. music would be my reprieve, but now its like an addiction, it compulsorily has to be there, and i need it to fill my head so i can stop thinking. .
i long to break free. but theres so much more to this world thats holding me back. despite everything, amazingly, i dont regret any of it. i never will. with all this distasteful choice of career, and this gruel everyday (and the fortune daddy's spending for my seemingly unlearning experience). . i did discover a wonderful part of this world. something that i had only dreamed of. i still go to bed every night wondering and aching, thinking what if i wake up the next day to find it really is a dream. but good things are rare, and my treasure is precious. . and they say, everything has a meaning !
when i came here last year, The sky was bruised The wine was bled.
And from there you led me on. .
And i know you always will. My faith. The only one.
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