stupid me !

Strange little things remind us of how human we are. its good in a way, because being cold and ghoul like is way worse. . than to feel pain and humiliation. but we tend to compare everything on relatively, a;ways choose to ignore the absolute image of it.. thats probably how we make life sufferable. other than being human, it also does remind me of how insignificant i can be, when im not just in myself. not just doing what i want, not just refraining to enter a world i'm not comfortable in, and might never be afterall. its so stupid. its not even a big deal. but i say that to everything these days. and im starting to hate myself for it.

im so deeply flawed. every passing day brings to my notice, a new thing that requires molding, and fixing. there couldnt have been a better way of feeling more human. i feel, but then there has to be the hitch. i was so happy all day. he was happy too. it was perfect.

lol.

saying it all aloud makes it sound even more juvenile ! and its not good.

i cant speak. i can write, but i can not speak. i remember how hard it was for me being a kid, i would struggle even to put across a single sentence. had no friends i could sit and talk or play, no friends who stayed longer than for the time they needed to get my notes, or wait for my answr to a query. how vilely introverted i was, its amazing to me, that i can actually speak now at all, without wanting to run away and hide every instant. not that its any easier. i remembered all that again. so much i ll never speak of ever. people dont understand. i dont expect them to.

the sky looks bruised again.